Alot happens in 15 years. 15 years ago today, I lost my brother, best friend and mentor, Josh Ellis. He was 16 at the time and was killed instantly in a car accident at 10:58 on a wet, rainy, miserable night. I thought I would write Josh a letter 15 years later.
Josh,
It's been 15 years since I've seen you or spoken to you. I'm 27 now. So much has changed. The past 15 years have had their ups and downs, of course, but I've always missed you. I've always wished you were here to help guide me, listen to me, talk to me. I played baseball in school, trying to follow in your footsteps, trying to be you. You taught me everything I knew about it. I even wore an old number of yours. 26 was retired of course, so I chose #5, your Dodger number. I hope I wore it well and I hope I made you proud. We practiced in your field house quite often and I know you would be honored to see it.
I graduated and went onto college and got pretty involved in leading worship. You loved music, but didn't have much of a voice yourself, so you enjoyed it through me I think. That's what I do now. I'm still in ministry as a worship leader part-time. The other time during the week I work with our dad doing some home repair and small remodeling jobs. I know both of us never thought I would end up doing that, but I really enjoy it and that's what matters I suppose. I wonder quite often what you would've ended up doing.
Speaking of dad, he was sick a while back. 5 years ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It was an incredibly difficult time for us, another time when I wish we could've spoken. 2 years ago, all of our prayers were answered and dad has been cancer free since then. God healed him and gets all the glory for it.
I got married 5 years ago to the love of my life, Ashley. You would love her. She's HOT (obviously), she's funny, and she's so supportive of everything I do. You never got to meet her, but she's heard so much about you and looks forward to meeting you in heaven. Last year, almost 3 weeks after your birthday, we had a son. We named him Emery Joshua. He carries your name with him and has your picture in his room. I still cry every time I think about it. He never got the opportunity to meet someone who shaped my life so dramatically. I wish so much that you could meet him. He even looks like you at times and I wish he could know the man that you would've been. I think about what kind of an uncle you would've been and I wonder what kind of an uncle I would've been to your kids.
I hope that you would be proud of the man I am today. I think about you so much and I miss you more than I can express in words. Alot happens in 15 years and I wish we had a few hours so I could catch you up. I can't do it all here. There's just too much to say. I just need you to know that I love you. I need you to know that my life has been missing a very important piece since the day you left. Maybe I just need to know that I've made you proud.
I love you and I miss you so much.
Your brother,
Zane
